Shower Thoughts

Order and chaos like serpents entwined Wrap around me with rigorous vigour Until I’m left breathless having begged for release Having been pulled to the ground by forces unseen Tears of surrender form a lens in my eyes I see joyous children running untamed Yet I also see them shuffling with canes I confide in my friend until earliest hours Yet I know we’d soon outgrow each other I hold my lover with passion at night Yet I know someday we’d have to kiss goodbye Breath of surrender fogs the essence of life All of this beauty hides pain in plain sight For this world is but only temporary And like an angel’s welcoming song It may never repeat For once we hear it It’s time to move on - vktr

I overload my senses with noise of every kind I keep the volume high as not to hear myself sigh I stare at imagery intensely, trying not to cease my sight I wrap my body in caresses from whoever’s by my side Because I cannot suffer the alternative The disorienting silence in my mind Devoid of music, brush or light of any kind With only demons lurking in the shadows Whispering from a distant site Inching ever closer Every time I close my eyes - vktr

Why do words matter If only heard by another As if brilliance requires foreign judgement And self-expression begs justification I wrap my thoughts as gifts for others Yet remove the ribbons to reveal naught Words uttered with the single purpose To vaguely alter versions of myself Come too close and you’d find me ugly As you read the fine print on my face Sentence after sentence written in defeat A surrender to my flaws and tribulations But a two-way mirror splits our vision As we look to others to find ourselves And the words we spoke in truth as children Get refracted through the prism of our fears In verity you'll never know me Like when I lay at night with eyes wide open Doubt as my mistress and my master And I will never really know you For our true forms must vow silence Lest we are found out - vktr

I wonder what it was like to be you When you were young and felt immortal Before time and vice would prove you wrong To mend all things broken with your touch While the cracks in you were getting deeper To chase your dreams across the ocean blue Until its waves of woe crashed into you To have been loved by everybody once Yet to be waiting for your end in exile I wonder what it was like to be you But I hope to never find out Until the day that I do - vktr

How wonderful it is to have a friend To illuminate your darkest hours With kind words spoken softly Or anecdotes in jest A brief warm touch A smile without context To let you know you matter Beyond the confines of yourself A friend that sees more in you Than you can ever find within They quickly learn your flaws But favour all your virtues To reveal what you only wish you could be If you were half the person that entails So, my dearest friend, know that I cherish you For lifting me in flight And though our time will surely pass As the wind scatters us across at night I’ll forever keep you in my heart And search for you among the stars... - vktr

Pavement rushes by my feet Heading towards where I’ve been Step by step my motions curve Into shapes that challenge time and space Brushing shoulders on the street With everyone I’m yet to meet Never straying off the beaten track Making sure my steps are hard to trace The further I go The harder it is to stop. - vktr

I watch the passing lights on long exposure And when the hue changes and the voices signal With sounds in harmony, yet just off tune I go, forward, unflinching Unable to stop, having gone so far Unwilling to falter, even when I do Beckoning calls of my loved ones cast crippling doubts on my purpose My mind splits the image of myself and the projection of who they interpret And in the contrast conflict smoulders But when the music swells and the drum hits on beat I can be anyone and do anything And one lifetime is enough For us to get on the next train - vktr

It’s easy to love the idea of you To rid you of all your imperfections To fabricate you into a reflection of myself To worship the fantasy of you It’s easy to see our future in your gaze Reflecting my own eyes back at me Only with a slightly warmer hue With passion and adventure hidden in plain sight In truth you’re more beautiful than I could ever know For when I see you it's in swift passing Cursed and blessed to forever carry your partial print Like a polaroid picture in my wallet And you will remain only in my mind out of reach and out of touch - vktr

The tragedy of youth is waking up to knowing   That you’re just like everybody else  Though we all had dreams of being special  Promised when we started on this race But in this life we've sculpted of each other,  One consciousness threaded through the next,  What a trial it surely is to be unique  To weave through nobody and not much else  We grow old and find solace in knowing   That we're all familiar faces from before  That we call our mothers by a single name  That our hopes and fears remain the same  That is why to meet a stranger’s gaze  Through a haze across a crowded room  Can feel like catching your reflection  In a mirror you never knew was there  The wrinkles of every age at once  Scribble all the stories ever told  Written on our face - vktr